BACK TO YOU
by ThisGirlFuckingLovesEdward
Summary: *Alternate ending to S2 EP5 * Content may trigger* ONE SHOT


_***ONE SHOT - Alternate ending to S2 EP5 * Content may trigger***_

RAE'S POV

I had found myself at a point where nothing looked or sounded the same anymore.  
>The party and the music that surrounded me seconds ago had disappeared.<br>Everything before I stepped into the bathroom had seemingly slipped from the world, leaving nothing but me, Saul and the sound of the lock snapping into place.

There were times when I could hear my voice blasting through the house to mum, or across the pub to the gang, these times made me know I was just a horribly loud person.  
>But here,<br>right now,  
>the sound that could usually brake glass was gone…I couldn't hear it blasting anymore.<br>It was as if it had been drowned into the crowd and music and had dissolved leaving me with no defense.

He slammed me into the sink, drunkenly trying to manoeuvre me over to the wall. I couldn't hear anything. I knew I was screaming 'no', 'stop'.  
>I knew I was pushing him away over and over, but I couldn't hear a thing, nothing but him telling me that I wanted it, to stop pretending, I couldn't feel anything but his body harshly pressed to mine and his hands violently grabbing every part of my body.<br>I tried to fade away like everything else had. I tried to imagine being in the caravan again with Finn. But the more I remembered the dim light of the candles, the soft mattress beneath me and the faint smell of whatever deodorant Finn was wearing that lingered in the air, the more I could feel the cold, hard wall behind me, the more I could smell beer and sweat seeping from Saul's body onto mine.  
>So I closed my eyes tightly as my screaming turned to crying, I tried to remember Finns hands slowly and gently undoing the buttons of my jacket, I forced myself so much that my brain hurt trying to jump into the memory, where I could feel his lips melting into mine. But there was no way I could hang onto it when I felt Saul's hands pulling at my shirt to rip it open just enough to slide his hand into to grab at my chest as his other hand squeezed my wrist tightly behind my back, digging his fingers into my skin where ever he touched me, I could feel his tongue run over my neck up to my cheek and I knew there was no way that I could be anywhere else but right here and right now. He fumbled around with his pants trying to hold me down at the same time.<br>There was never a second when I thought about any movement I was making. I just acted. I paused against him so hard that he lost his balance, just for a second and I moved frantically over to door. As my quick but shaking hand met the lock I felt Saul grab me and pull me back. I stumbled into the wall and tried to stop myself from falling but it was pointless. He flew at me and tacked me to the ground so hard that I was sure that the tiles had cracked under my back as he landed on me.

His body was heavy on mine, pinning me to the floor as he used one hand to wrap around my throat as he started to undo my pants. This was it. It was over.  
>I cried so hard that my throat hurt even more as I choked and he suddenly leaned into it as I struggled to breathe, putting all his weight on my neck as he tried to get my pants of and I tried to hopelessly pull his hand of me so I could breathe.<br>Out of nowhere a banging began to break into the tiny room. Saul froze as the voices called that we get out. I struggled and let out a weak scream as I shuffled back up against the wall in terror, putting as much distance between us as possible. He looked over at me angrily as my voice erupted through the bathroom, knowing they would be able to hear me, even though their relentless attempts to open the door by shaking the door handle and banging and yelling.  
>Without thinking Saul was off his knees and at the door, undoing the lock in one swift movement as he fled from the room. The drunk couple stumbled in barley noticing me, but continuing to tell me to get out.<br>I jumped to my feet and started trying to fix my clothes as I ran from the room, down the hall and out onto the street.

For some reason no matter how much pain I was in, no matter how much I wanted to run and hide somewhere, all I could think about was being with Finn in my bedroom before the party with Finn, I realised now that I didn't even know how safe I felt with him. How safe I _was_ with him.  
>Something in my brain told me that if I could just be with him, that none of it would matter, that I could pretend that none of it had even happened. At the very least I needed to tell him that I needed him to stay. That I was wrong. That everything I did was just fucking wrong… and now I had paid the price for it.<p>

I got to his place and stood outside in the cold and the dark, looking up at his window. It was the only light on in the house and I could faintly make out his form through the curtains moving around through his bedroom.  
>Suddenly I felt so stupid. I felt like I was doing the wrong thing coming over here in the middle of the night, I thought that I should just go home, that I should just let him leave….that I should just let him be.<br>But I couldn't move, not an inch, no matter how much I wanted too, my feet were planted into the pavement. But it didn't matter whether I decided to see him or not, just standing this close to him gave me the only comfort I could get without actually going in.  
>His front door suddenly swung open, He squinted through the dark and took a step forward, "Rae is that you?" he asked walking towards me. "Yeah" I answered as I walked towards him, away from the small amount of vision offered from the streetlights. "Come inside silly you'll catch your death out ere", He reached out and took my hand in his and led me from the darkness of the street into the darkness of his house. He walked slowly up the stairs in front of me quietly, I assumed he was trying not to wake his dad but I didn't ask, I just followed him and the faint sound of music that drifted lightly in the air from behind his bedroom door.<p>

He opened the door and I walked in past him, into the bright familiar room and sat on the edge of the bed. I closed my hands together on my lap and looked down at them, wishing they hadn't suddenly started trembling when I noticed the marks on my wrists, I pulled my sleeves down over them, fidgeting with the material of my jacket trying to cover as much skin as the fabric would allow, but I could feel the panic setting in, I could feel my body starting to throb in pain and I wanted nothing more than to just sink into this bed and hide from the world. "Rae", all my thought were interrupted by the sound of concern in his voice as he whispered my name with fear.  
>I looked up and met his eyes and within seconds he filled the space between us and fell onto the mattress next to me, "Rae wha happened" he asked in a panic that I had never seen before as his eyes continually scanned me up and down, over and over frantically. My head shook in response as I tried to turn away from him, I felt one of his hands cover my knee and the other place on my shoulder as he tried to turn me back to face him. I could hear myself chanting that I was ok, a light whisper over and over, but I'm not sure if I was talking to him or me self. "Rae, please you gotta tell me what happened" he asked, speaking to quickly as he succeeded in turning me to face him, my eyes met his and I knew I couldn't pretend everything was ok. As I looked at him waiting for me to speak, I could see his lip trembling and his muscles tightened. I wanted tell him everything but it didn't beat my want to scream, I wanted to be angry but the way Finn looked at me just turned my anger into hurt. I tried to talk but my words were so shaky and my throat hurt more than before, "Finn, I … I". I couldn't finish, his face suddenly broke into a sad confusion that I only saw for a second before he pulled me into his arms. His hand rubbed my back unknowingly soothing the spots that had been slammed into tiles earlier.<br>I gasped for air quietly into him, Finns name escaping my lips through my cries, "It's ok Rea, I'm here, you're safe" he whispered into my ear, over and over.  
>He stopped asking what had happened and kept his arms around me. I don't know how long we stayed like that for. I knew that hours must of have passed.<br>I laid on Finns bed next to him, my crying had turned to a weak panting that flew in and out of my mouth as Finn stroked my hair, Finns head rested on my shoulder trying to calm me with the light movements of his hands and his face pressed into my cheek. After a long time he leaned forward and propped himself up, leaning his head into his hand as he continued running his hands through my hair, he continued on silently until I felt him wipe the hair of my neck, suddenly he sat up and moved the collar of my jacket to reveal the marks covering my neck. The concern that had only seconds ago washed over his faced was quickly replaced with rage. "You went to that party with Chloe", it wasn't a question, more like he just wanted me to verify what he already knew. He didn't wait for me to say anything, he just kept starring at my neck letting himself fill with rage, "Rae, where ya with Chloe's friend? The one from the carnival?", I looked up at him, wanting to say something, but there was nothing I could say to take that look from his eyes, nothing I could say to make all of this go away.  
>But Finn didn't need an answer. He looked at me laying under him and something in the silence told him everything he needed to know. "Right" he spoke calmly but with a dark edge as he jumped to his feet. He walked over and got his jacket from the floor putting it on, then slipping into his shoes, "I'll be right back Rae". I sat up quickly as he walked over to the door, he turned back to face me seeing me shaking my head at the realisation of what he was doing, but I could see in his eyes that he was already gone, "Stay here Rae, ok", he didn't wait for a response as he slipped out of the room closing the door so quietly behind him that it barely made a sound.<p>

I sat looking around the empty room from the safety of his bed, I wanted to go to the bathroom and try to clean myself up so I wouldn't look so horrible but the thought of facing the mirror did not help the process of trying to calm down. I pulled the covers back and climbed under them, pulling the sheets over my head so that I was completely hidden from the world.  
>When Finn was here I could think about his hands softly placed on mine, his fingers lightly gliding through my hair but now there was no distraction. I could feel my eyes filling with tears again, even though I knew it was impossible for me to cry anymore. I laid still staring into the white clean fabric, remembering Saul's lips being dragged over mine and his tongue over the skin on my neck that he dug his teeth into. I could think about nothing else as my eyes grew too heavy to hold and I fell asleep thinking the most horrible things… things that broke my heart.<p>

I was half asleep when I heard the door slowly open. I rubbed my eyes but didn't pull the blankets away, a part of me even wanted to hide away from Finn but I knew it definitely wouldn't help. I felt the mattress suddenly dip and I could feel him crawling up beside me and I got a new wave of panic, wondering if he was ok. I expected him to pull the blankets away but instead he climbed under them with me.  
>The sight of him took my breath away…as usual. He didn't say anything, but he reached out with his hand to wipe the hair from my face and I noticed his bruised swollen fists, but saw no other marks on him. The sight of him fine in front of me relaxed me but I just didn't know what I was meant to say, I couldn't stop myself from feeling stupid for being at the party to begin with, for being anywhere near someone like Saul, but more than that I felt embarrassed… but I didn't know why.<br>"Rae" Finn quietly whispered, I looked to his face, to see his nervous expression as he slid his hand over to mine, He looked down at his thumb rubbing the inside of my palm and struggled to talk, his words flowed out with pain and terror that was no shown on his face, his eyes that looked at our hands wrapped into each other were soft and thoughtful, "Did he hurt you Rae?" he asked suddenly meeting my eyes again with fear. He had seen the bruise on my neck, but I knew that wasn't what he meant, "no" I let out quietly, "but he tried" he said almost through his teeth as his jaw clenched. I nodded and started trying to explain myself but the words came out in a jumble, Finn looked at me and shook his head, pulling me into his arms again before I could keep trying to form words, before I could apologize for putting him through all of this…


End file.
